it's post Hurricane Earl and the temperature is back to a manageble cool... I went for a walk today for the first time in awhile. It was good but my legs are still painful and problematic after a short stroll...

I've been eating strawberry rhubarb pie for days... It's so good. I bought the first one and before I was finished, Sheila brought me two more that she had to bake up after Earl knocked ou the power and the freezer unfroze. If you've got to eat something for days you can do worse than strawberry rhubarb pie...

I seem to have lost some weight despite the pie... maybe it was the heat and maybe it's just one of those phases I go through where I don't seem to eat as much. It's quite mysterious really. I am very hopeful that it will continue... There's a pair of pants i want to fit into....

Tomorrow is a work day... I am off to bed shortly... early to bed and early to rise, reduces the girth of the waist and the thighs....

hot as jalapenos

Well it's hotter than pretty much anytime in this summer... everybody's melting. It's Ramadan and I don't know how Muslims can get through the day without drinking in this weather!! Tonight there was an Iftar celebration at SMU where I read poetry along with a number of local poets and spoken word artists... and then had yummy food to break the fast. I finished off the frozen yogurt when I got home and now am contemplating sucking on an ice cube.

I didn't manage to have a walk the past couple days... just too exhausting in the heat... but i did do some work indoors, if keyboarding in front of an air conditioner counts.

It's time for bed... maybe I'll go for a run in the Arctic in my dreams. That would be nice.

Today and A couple days ago, I began what I hope will stick as a healthy habit. I walked for about half an hour, with a break about half way to give my leg pain a rest. It's fine when there is a bench or a wall or some steps to heave my butt on to, but it's not ideal when it's just road or grass...

Time was when I could walk an hour with my dad no sweat. Well I mean I did sweat but I could do it no problem. I was just tired at the end, not in pain. These days the pins and needles comes first then a kind of sickening cool burning pain ( hard to describe) in a line down my leg. Calf pain and thgh pain happens in there somewhere too. But half an hour as I said seems doable, with a sit down.

I haven't been doing the exercises that the physio prescribed but they didn't help anyway, so not sure whether it would be useful tocontinue. I sometimes hope I will be walking one day and the pain will have vanished like a ghost. Just like that, if I keep walking... but as long as I don't walk, it will linger, a phantom hungry for my pain.

I am going to cook a roast pork, potatoes and rapini... So yummy and reasonably healthy... Ruhi is tonight so my spiritual appetite will be satisfied too!.

Last night I danced oen song at Julie's wedding. " We are family". It was great fun and I am sorry to have left early... it was the first time I've danced in forever, and it made me remember those nights with Beata at Cabbagetown. Oy vay, or as the Chinese say, Aiya... my lost youth!

well it wasn't a bad day foodwise or exercisewise- three meals and a few minutes on the outdoor exercise machines. no napping til a brief lie down after dinner at dad's... i still hope to increase my walking though it's no fun when it's painful....

It's way too hot even though outdoors the temp is very reasonable... it's the humidity I think, the kind of weather that makes me weak in the shoulders.. I need a drink and then I will stop craving something i think. The leftover watermelon from the bbq is all gone= what a heavenly delight it is when chilled, on a hot day. Really there are so many pleasures offered by the natural world,,, God has thought about just about everything! Except how to keep us from indulging in them. Oh yes! He did create religion... that should help!

Today I slept most of the day, tired from yesterday's BBQ at my Dad's. I must have gone up and down his stairs 20 times, and today my body called it quits. I am still aching and now I'm yawnig- ready to go back to bed at 8 pm!

I had a bit of a binge this past week... eating way too much sugar. I'm not sure why but it does seem to happen from time to time that my eating blooms out of control and I consume more sugar in a week than I have the month before.

It's been ages since I used the outdoor exercise machines... during the day it's just too hot and I haven't got there in the evening. Something to think about for the fall. I really wish I could walk more... I feel quite shackled by the leg pain, but a few days ago, Sheila and I walked the board walk in Eastern Passage, which is about a kilometre long, before my legs hurt too much to go any further. I wish I could walk anywhere, like I used to, without pain.

Dad is pretty amazing- he walked an hour or so before the bbq yesterday and today another hour and a half- no lounging in bed with a body ache for him! I wish to follow his example...

By gum, I haven't written here for more than a month!
Time flies like a fish, but it's time to get back to it.
Apparently I have lost 14 pounds and almost 3 inches at the waist since January when I started taking metformin. My weight does fluctuate but I hope this is a sign of better things to come. I haven't been working hard on it... maybe if I do I'll lose more.

I have applied to do a writing residency in the Czech Republic. I hope I can manage it! Well i hope I'm accepted to it first. Am still working on the leg pain, which is worst when standing around- walking is better. My physio decided I didn't need to see hre anymore and she's likely right... it didn't help much... I think losing weight and keeping orthotic insoles in my shoes are the key to painlessness. But I might get my mum to try another Bowen treatment on me...

It's been a long time since i did any exercise... too long. I need to go out for a walk...

Well, I decided not to go to Beijing... there were too many what ifs. I was afraid for my health, worried about the pollution and crowds and not sure I could deal with the challenging phsyical environment. I was agonizing over my decision but I think it was a good one. I hope I haven't just turned down the chance of a lifetime...

I think I might have lost a little weight lately... I seem to be doing better with the walking... it also helps me to keep my focus up, somewhere above my head, or really, on Baha'u'llah. Then I don't notice the leg pain, or my legs don't hurt- one or the other. Still I find I want to sit down a lot if I've been walking, and I don't have as much energy as only a year ago...

I missed the powwow today- I really wish I'd got to it. Maybe tomorrow. Hopefully William got there and was able to see the Indian dancers. That would have been magical.

Summer is here and Dad's garden looks lush and lovely. I hope he comes home soon and I can cook the rest of the supper... pork and cabbage a rice...

Today was a weird day. I was too tired to care if I was being dumb or difficult or anything. I saw an old friend, her partner and their babies, and we went for a walk in the beautiful shadows of an almost summer evening.

There was a program on Ideas tonight about the "ocean mind" of whales and dolphins. Most of it I didn't hear but it made me want to stop eating animals of any kind. If I am to become a real vegetarian, I will have to invest in some spices and sauces and a variety of veggies. I think I can do it, but if I go to China I wonder if that will be another story.

My legs still hurt me when I walk any distance. A friend who just came back from China told me I should ask whether the apartment the residency wants to put me in is up several flights of stairs and if there is grocery shopping nearby. She is absolutely right that I should ask these things! I was afraid to ask these things.

It's time for bed. Monday I will try to call the residency office, and ask all my questions.

Aquafit has come and gone for this week, and I still have a cough and no desire to get into a cold pool. I ate a package of cheesies that was meant for my study group, which was cancelled for today. So much for restraint.

I was feeling very stiff while house-sitting for Soonya and Ian, but seem a bit better today... I did a little walking to and from the bus, and felt pretty ok. I am not doing enough to get my legs in gear for China if I end up going, but I am trying to walk a little more at least.

It's almost dark and somehow I feel as though the day has gone by without me. At least I didn't order fries for lunch- instead it was falafel, tabouleh and curried rice at Mary's cafe. I longed for Sheila's ceasar salad and Susan's greasy breakfast when I saw them. I guess it doesn't do much good to practice restraint at lunch and the eat a whole bag of cheesies for dessert...

Tomorrow is another day...

Woe is me- I spent much of this beautiful day inside and in the name of keeping my sister's cat company, I continue to stay indoors. Still I did get out for a walk around the duck pond with Jan and her dog Mandy, and that was wonderful. It was also good for my cold to be in the sun, since i seem to have picked up a little extra virus yesterday on top of my first cold. Woe is me.

I managed to get my grant application finished and just have a couple questions Monday before I send it off. I hope beyond hope that I will get some money to help me get to China in the Fall. I am also thinking to get a new laptop computer sooner rather than later to take with me... my desktop pc was infected with numerous viruses and I had to get them cleaned out. I empathize with my computer, seeing as how we've both come down with a bug, but the cd drive isn't working very well so I wasn't able to reinstall my printer drivers... and it's hard to operate without a printer.

I had the last of my chicken-veg curry and rice for supper and dessert- some butterscotch chips and a cookie. I'm finding it very hard to give up the sweets.

so tired- gotta nap

I'm feeling so sleepy- it's the cold, and the sun, and my abbreviated last night's sleep. I'll take a nap before I go to catch the bus to the valley this afternoon. Dad's coming to take me out for lunch and I'm lusting after a burger and fries. Perhaps I will be able to restrain myself.

I've started doing the physio exercises again... they're harder than they were since I haven't been doing them for a couple weeks at least. My eating has been reasonable- I haven't had a lot of appetite since I've been sick, or rather it's been more limited, which has been a good thing.

Aquafit's been down the tubes for three weeks- hopefully this week coming I'll start again. I'm so tired right now all I want to do is sleep...

Gotta get ready for dad...

Today I did not set foot outdoors. I did not get washed or dressed or comb my hair. I ate, drank, slept, stayed glued to internet and radio and read a little. It was a beautiful day but I missed it, because of being sick. But thank goodness, I feel so much better than Saturday, when I started the antibiotics.

Mum brought me a pot of stew which I have been eating all day, and some banana bread with chocolate chips. I have been drinking tea non-stop, trying to keep the tickle out of my throat, because that tickle starts me coughing, which is painful. I am taking seriously the "rest and drink hot drinks" advice that comes with every cold. I have been through enough colds to know, it just gets worse if you push yourself.

But tomorrow I intend to get up in the morning and do a few more normal things. Work on my novel, maybe. Put out the compost. Make some calls. Definitely bathe and dress. I'll even clean up a little,
Exercise seems a far away idea... but I might do a bit. I'm a wimp but even a wimp gets bored of sitting at home trying not to cough,

Well I'm sick but getting better thanks to modern medicine and medication in Middleton. My GP had told me I needed an antibiotic but that was before she looked at my throat or listened to my chest! So I refused them, But yesterday, sick as I was, I went with Mum to the Valley for an event in Paradise. I ended up goign to the walk in clinic in Middleton and was prescribed an antibiotic by a nice doctor there and got it at the Pharmasave. I took it and overnight my sore thoat was gone, though my cold symptoms have persisted. They may clear up soon too. Thank God for the wonder of drugs and for our medical system, which may have shortcomings but which has given me great care when I've most needed it.

Needless to say my exercise regime has gone out the window- both the aquafit and the physio exercises. My appetite is coming back and thanks to my lovely mum and dad i have had healthy foods to soothe my throat. Dad brought chicken broth and turkey necks to make turkey broth. Mum's bringing stew tomorrow. I feel very blessed!

Time for another pill...

It's Saturday again... I stayed home from the Halifax market today with a vague sinus-type headache and and snoozed a little, but managed to drag myself to the Dartmouth and Harbourside markets for some groceries. A baker gave me three loaves of whole wheat bread for $5.oo because he didn't want to take them home to Yarmouth. Score! I also got some ground pork to make a lentil dish with and some eggs. Then at Harbourside I got tomatoes and a sweet potato, also for the lentil dish. Mmmm. Dad invited me for supper so if I don't makes lentils today it'll be tomorrow.

My legs and buttocks still give me pain when I walk and especially when I browse, which involves more standing. I do think the physio exercises have done some good but I dispute the physio's idea that it's sciatic pain. I know my sciatic pain feels reminiscent of the cool burn from rubbing alcohol... and it makes me slightly nauseous. This is more muscle pain, a cramp-style pain.

Yesterday Dad I went for a 20 minutes walk at Shubie Park and I did ok, going slowly but ended up with pins and needles and pain by the end. Pavement is brutal, I hurt almost as soon as I go outside, and sometimes inside too, around the house. I realize the pain is one of the things that keeps me from doing even the amount of housework I did a year ago.

I think the key is probbaly not to be sitting in front of the computer so long and so much. This would involve a great deal of discipline on my part. I don't know if it would help to use a laptop that will enable me to work in different places and lying down if i want... worth thinking about...

It was a market Saturday. For the first time in many moons I went to the Halifax farmer's market which I do dearly love, despite the fact that there are throngs of people and sometimes it's too hot, too noisy and too crowded to think. There was a free range chicken, fresh beet greens, honey, and eggs, flour and savoy cabbage. I ate like a queen tonight. Some people don't like to cook for themselves but I am happy to roast myself a chicken any time!

My legs felt tired earlier- seems like when i've been out for the day my whole body aches...even if I haven't done anything to speak of. Tomorrow it will hopefully be nice enough to get outside and rake, which is always good exercise. Soon the lawn will need cutting and -there's always the gardening which I am basically inclined to leave... that was Kristine's hobby and I am not that interested, thought it seems shameful to say so.

Tomorrow I also intend to wash two batches of dishes. It's really mind blowing how my unclean my kitchen looks right now. My sister would have a fit, but I am very able to cope with a certain level of mess and dirt that she finds abhorrent. Still it's getting out of hand, even I have to admit. My energy for housework is somehwat limited...

time to brush my teeth and say goodnight...

CBC's departing science guy Pat Senson says that funny movies might make us eat more... I have to remember that and maybe watch some horror movies.

I ate a bunch of spareribs tonight- they were fairly inexpensive at my Free range meat source at Casa Roma this week. I used some yummy bbq sauce on them and baked them in the oven... mmmm. Not exactly diet food but not bad- they were fairly lean

Aquafit today was great- much more my speed than the one on Monday night. The Wednesday morning class with Bob seems to be more about working the various muscle groups than about getting a cardio workout. For me it's plenty cardio too and I know my body has had a workout when I finish. I was so tired I napped all afternoon.

Tonight there's a 9th day of Ridvan celebration and there's bound to be food there. I hope to be moderate about it. I didn't have breakfast before aquafit then about noon Kristine and I went to Two if By Sea and had croissants- Proscuitto and cheese for her and almond for me... can't imagine anything better than a croissant from TIBS ...it's a heavenly meal... and the coffee is so great there. Somehow I feel it's ok to eat a croissant a week. I better consult my doctor about it.
Better yet, will consult my shrink, who is more likely a kindred spirit on questions of food...

Last night of poetry class. Some sadness involved. But it is good when things end and we go on to something else. Change feels good, as though the world is new again. I can't get enough of the feeling of possibility.

Today was a weird kind of day food-wise. I did ok until Kemi's art opening where I had two pieces of cake. Poetry class felt like exercise but really I am going to do aquafit tomorrow and nothing more today except for my physio exercises.

Monday night's aquafit made me feel sick. I was working too hard and really need to keep a slower pace from the very beginning, because I think it could be bad for my heart to push it. I think if i just keep moving for the duration of class that's good enough.

Now I am yawning over my keyboard . Off to bed soon after a cup of tea...

It's a terrible thing to admit. I've totally given up on my diet. Hoping to start with a more sensible approach to eating tomorrow. Isn't that always the way?I just can't have stuff in the house because when I am weak I just go mad over sugar, meat, fat and all the unhealthy stuff. I also need to practice being hungry again. For awhile it was a positive thing, but how quickly I go back to my old habits.

Cate cooked some wonderful meals at her parents' cottage yesterday. We cooked, ate, lounged, and did a little of this and that, mostly soaking in the sun and a little goal setting. None of my goals involved losing weight, getting healthier. All of them were focussed on getting a cottage in the country like Cate's. I realize it's something I need to document, this weight loss thing. Also that my tendency is always to drift back to my old ways.

I was reading some quotes about steadfastness and assistance with tests in the Baha'i writings. Perhaps prayers can help me in my quest for healthier habits. I have no doubt that they could work, it's just up to me to be steadfast in my efforts. I need to keep always in my mind the possible negative outcomes of continuing on this self-destructive path. I don't want to have a stroke or die of diabetes or heart attack, but I can see that it would not be that much of a surprise. I hope you'll send me some good vibes to start me on my way...

It's off to aquafit this morning. I'm still aching from Monday night's class. That was a great workout, a lot of cardio. I had to take it slow- I was getting a feeling almost like nausea and that's how I knew I was working too hard. Today's aquafit is a little less strenuous and more about the stretching. It's great to have two different kinds of classes to go to.

Last night was the Entrepreneur of the Year awards! All the nominees, including me, gopt a bunch of neat stuff from the the Entrepreneurs with Disabilities Network. It was a great event and a special evening. I had a table next to Kristine and we both sold stuff, her cards, and me books.

It's the first day of Ridvan today and there's a wonderful sweet feeling in the air... It's a day of no work, so I am going to enjoy it! First aquafit, then coffee. I need to make a few phone calls and then the day is mine! I may treat myself to a croissant for breakfast, though I truly should not. Still, eating special things is part and parcel of Christian holidays so why not Baha'i ones?
But I could make a better choice. maybe a bagel with low fat cream cheese...

It's sunny and gorgeous outside... happy first day of Ridvan everybody!

It's been ages since I've blogged, sorry about that. This week was Atlantic book awards week and it's been a busy time, exhausting and wonderful.

My eating has been the pits. McDonald's here , sausage on a bun there. At least I didn't eat a Dairy Queen Blizzard for breakfast like I wanted to one day. Today I made a beef stew and have eaten two thirds of it for one meal... it's a little mind blowing. At least it 's mostly vegetables.

Exercise has also fallen by the way side but I'm hoping to pick it up again tomorrow night at aquafit class. Somehow this week has just been a buzz of craziness, punctuated with adrenalin rushes, fun stuff and naps. Cate gave me a nice meal of soup and salad yesterday before my last reading of the week. She is a great example to me of someone who has successfully changed her eating habits, and who is passionate about making healthy choices.

I don't know why I want to eat the wrong things. Too much meat and carbs- like a typical male- and too much sugar, which I think of as a female failing. Stil, these days I would mostly rather eat savoury stuff than sugar, with a fair amount of veggies... so maybe i'm on the right track, I just need to control my portions better. And that just involves discipline, which I have precious little of when it comes to food.

My salt and vinegar chip craving which I escaped for a month seems to be creeping back.
I will combat it by cooking with tomatoes, which seems to satisfy that acidic tooth I have.
May I have better luck tomorrow...