Well, I decided not to go to Beijing... there were too many what ifs. I was afraid for my health, worried about the pollution and crowds and not sure I could deal with the challenging phsyical environment. I was agonizing over my decision but I think it was a good one. I hope I haven't just turned down the chance of a lifetime...

I think I might have lost a little weight lately... I seem to be doing better with the walking... it also helps me to keep my focus up, somewhere above my head, or really, on Baha'u'llah. Then I don't notice the leg pain, or my legs don't hurt- one or the other. Still I find I want to sit down a lot if I've been walking, and I don't have as much energy as only a year ago...

I missed the powwow today- I really wish I'd got to it. Maybe tomorrow. Hopefully William got there and was able to see the Indian dancers. That would have been magical.

Summer is here and Dad's garden looks lush and lovely. I hope he comes home soon and I can cook the rest of the supper... pork and cabbage a rice...

Today was a weird day. I was too tired to care if I was being dumb or difficult or anything. I saw an old friend, her partner and their babies, and we went for a walk in the beautiful shadows of an almost summer evening.

There was a program on Ideas tonight about the "ocean mind" of whales and dolphins. Most of it I didn't hear but it made me want to stop eating animals of any kind. If I am to become a real vegetarian, I will have to invest in some spices and sauces and a variety of veggies. I think I can do it, but if I go to China I wonder if that will be another story.

My legs still hurt me when I walk any distance. A friend who just came back from China told me I should ask whether the apartment the residency wants to put me in is up several flights of stairs and if there is grocery shopping nearby. She is absolutely right that I should ask these things! I was afraid to ask these things.

It's time for bed. Monday I will try to call the residency office, and ask all my questions.

Aquafit has come and gone for this week, and I still have a cough and no desire to get into a cold pool. I ate a package of cheesies that was meant for my study group, which was cancelled for today. So much for restraint.

I was feeling very stiff while house-sitting for Soonya and Ian, but seem a bit better today... I did a little walking to and from the bus, and felt pretty ok. I am not doing enough to get my legs in gear for China if I end up going, but I am trying to walk a little more at least.

It's almost dark and somehow I feel as though the day has gone by without me. At least I didn't order fries for lunch- instead it was falafel, tabouleh and curried rice at Mary's cafe. I longed for Sheila's ceasar salad and Susan's greasy breakfast when I saw them. I guess it doesn't do much good to practice restraint at lunch and the eat a whole bag of cheesies for dessert...

Tomorrow is another day...